Human Maturity Stages - Infant Maturity

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Understanding Developmental Maturity: Infant Stage
From the Life Model with additions by Betsy Stalcup (text) and Jeannie Herbert (tables), February 2021

The Infant Stage

We all grow and mature in stages starting from a tiny embryo in our mother’s womb. Our bodies grow more or less automatically, but our hearts and minds do not. Our hearts and minds need certain conditions to fully develop. Most of us can picture what healthy physical development should look like as humans grow from infants to elder, but many of us do not know what it looks like to develop emotionally and mentally. When we do not have the maturity that we should have for our age, those areas of lack are then deficits. Most maturity deficits come from trauma. Both A Trauma (the absences of necessary good things) and B Trauma (bad things) arrest development in one or more areas.

THE INFANT (birth to age four)
The goal for infancy is for babies to organize a strong, joyful, synchronized identity. An infant must learn to receive.
Ideally the infant learned that they have value for “just being me.” The infant must experience strong, loving, caring bonds with his parents. These bonds must meet his needs without his having to ask. He must receive life and also learn to express the life that is in him, to everyone's delight. During infancy, the baby learns to live joyfully in his mother's world.
During this stage his identity will either be built around joy or fear. The child who is surrounded by joy becomes emotionally resilient. The child who is taught to fear will struggle with insecurity and anxiety.
Babies are born with no capacity to regulate their own emotions and are easily overwhelmed. Parents must protect their babies from too much stimulation and let their baby rest between times of joyful interaction. Parents need to synchronize with their baby rather expecting their infant to synchronize with them. When baby is not asked to do more than she can do, she will learn to regulate her mind and emotions. She learns to quiet herself and soon will be ready to synchronize with others. For this happy baby, relationships are a source of joy and peace.

Primary Task: Learning to receive If tasks not completed: Inability to trust

Infant Needs

  • Joy bonds with both parents that are strong, loving, caring, secure

  • Important needs are met without asking

  • Quiet time together

  • Help regulating distressing emotions

  • Be seen through the ‘eyes of heaven’

  • Receive and give life

  • Have others synchronize with him/her first

Infant Tasks

  • Receive with joy

  • Learn to synchronize with others

  • Organize self into a person through imitation

  • Learn to regulate emotions

  • Learn to return to joy from distressing emotions (anger, fear, sad, shame, hopeless, disgust)

  • Learn to rest

  • Learn to trust

  • Weaning

How to Begin Recovery from Deficits.

Use the assessment below to identify your deficits. Choose one that is doable with effort--perhaps one that you can manage to do at least some of the time. Then you can work on mastering this skill. Do not pick your deepest, most difficult deficit! Ask God for help identifying people in your life who can do this skill well. Spend time with them. Recovery must be modeled by those who have the skill. Remember Jesus counts! He is fully mature and has all the skills! Stay aware of the goal and work on the task. When you grow in one area, it will help you recover from the others. Over time, you can regain what is missing, one deficit at a time.


Infant Stage Indicators: Birth through 4 Years Old

 Key: 1 = God has begun the work . . .       10 = By God’s grace, I’ve got this!
Where I Am

Joy is my normal state. I am strengthened by joy.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I can receive (gifts, love, compliments, appreciation) from others with joy, without guilt or shame.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

Because the adults who cared for me met my needs until I learned to ask, I trust at a core level that my needs will be met.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

I can easily synchronize with others by attuning to (matching) their mood and energy state without overwhelming them or being overwhelmed by them.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

I can easily relate and connect to others.

1   2   3   4   5   6  7   8   9  10

It is easy for me to put myself in someone else’s shoes so that I can see and feel their point-of-view.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I am rarely judgmental or critical of others.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

I’ve had people in my life that I admired, people who were more mature than I.

I was able to imitate them, so that I become more the person I long to be.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

I openly admit my losses and disappointments.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

I can return to joy from every emotion and restore broken relationships. (This is about maintaining and restoring a good relationship with others while experiencing the big six distressing emotions). 

1   2   3   4   5   6  7   8   9 10

ANGER -- I am not easily offended or angered. If I am angry, I take steps to resolve my anger. I do not avoid conflict or the people I am in conflict with.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

FEAR -- I am not easily frightened or anxious. If I am afraid, I take steps to resolve my fear. I do not avoid challenging situations or the people because I am afraid.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

SADNESS -- I take time to grieve my losses. I am able to cry and experience sadness, explore the reasons behind it and allow God to work in me through it. People who are in sorrow seek me out, because it is clear to them that I am in touch with the losses and sorrows in my own life.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

DISGUST -- I am not easily disgusted by revolting messes, I am able to own my revulsion, stay connected to those around me, and take appropriate steps so that everyone involved can come back to joy.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

SHAME -- I can speak freely about my weaknesses, failures and mistakes. I don’t need approval from others to feel good about myself. I take ownership and responsibility for my past life rather than blaming others. I can admit when I am wrong and ask forgiveness. I am not defensive.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

HOPELESS DESPAIR-- I can see even difficult and painful situations from God’s perspective and trust that he is at work on my behalf and does all things well. I am able to thank God for all of my past life experiences, and I can see how he has used them to uniquely shape me.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I can calm and quiet myself with others. I do not need to talk all the time to fill empty space. I do not get agitated or anxious when all is still. I can experience relational quiet with joy.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I enjoy being alone with God in quiet reflection.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I regularly take a period each week for Sabbath-keeping, to stop, to rest, to delight and to contemplate God.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7  8   9  10

I can give and receive life.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10


Adapted by Elizabeth Stalcup, Ph.D., Jeannie Herbert, MSN, and Anne Doggett from various sources including Restarting with Ed Khouri, Shepherd's House 2010; The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero, Zondervan Reflective 2021; the Thriving DC 2013 Workbook by David and Jan Takle; and Joy Starts Here by Wilder, Khouri, Coursey and Sutton, Shepherd’s House 2013