Understanding Overwhelm
/Understanding Overwhelm
We all get overwhelmed at times, and sadly we overwhelm others. What do I mean by overwhelmed? To understand overwhelm we need to understand capacity. I like to picture capacity as a cup. Imagine that you and all the people around you each have a capacity cup. We all have different sized cups. Those will large cups are resilient and can handle a lot of intensity before they get overwhelmed. Those with small cups are easily overwhelmed. Take a moment and think about this: Do you have a stadium-sized cup or an expresso cup, or something in between? Has something lowered your capacity today? Or increased it?
Some situations can lower our capacity, for example:
Hunger
Thirst
Fatigue
Being face-to-face with a person with whom we have an unresolved history of being bullied or controlled.
Angry interactions with someone with whom we normally share harmony—but not right now.
Recent losses that have left us feeling more vulnerable than usual.
Situations that are simply too intense.
Whenever the people or situations exceed our capacity, our cups overflow—you can only hold so much—and we are in overwhelm.
It is crucial to recognize signs of overwhelm both in others and in ourselves because often there are ways we can intervene to avoid overwhelm.
The signs of overwhelmed vary from person to person. Here are some signs of overwhelmed that I have detected either in myself or in people I've known:
Crying. Tears can be a healthy release, but it can also signal that someone is feeling overwhelmed. In either case it's good to pause and normalize the tears. If you are crying simply tell yourself, “Soul, it is okay to cry. Jesus cried at the grave of Lazarus.” Or you can say that to someone else who is crying. Or simply look at them with compassion and hand them a tissue.
Head moving back. Or if standing, the person backs up. Or if seated, the person leans away.
Eyebrows shooting up.
Swallowing.
Freezing—when facial expressions go ridged. Or blank.
Breaking eye contact.
Becoming numb or spacey.
Tightening chest, or tightness in any part of the body including shoulders, neck or thighs.
Holding one’s breath.
Wanting to get away or end the call.
Throwing up one's hands.
If you begin to notice overwhelmed cues in your recipient, the best strategy is to simply stop. You can say, “I am noticing signs of overwhelm so let’s take a break. Please close your eyes, stop talking and rest.” Then fall silent and give them space.
Overwhelm and Prayer Ministry
When we're leading prayer ministry, it's absolutely crucial that we never overwhelmed the recipient. God never overwhelms us. Here's some things we can do to avoid overwhelming a recipient in a prayer ministry session:
Speak gently, see your recipient with great compassion.
Be tender towards weakness.
Use your reflective listening skills throughout the session to ensure that you understand exactly what the recipient is saying.
Ask permission. Always ask, “Would you like to . . . “, “would you be willing to . . . (for example) surrender that pain to God?”
Note signs of overwhelm. If you see overwhelm, ask if the person would like to go back to a positive memory. Or ask if they would like to stop for the day.
It's also crucial to be aware of your own overwhelmed cues. You may need to take a break, close your eyes, Focus on breathing slowly and deeply. In some cases, you may need an actual break and it's OK to ask for one.
Betsy’s Story
During my early years of doing prayer ministry, I became overwhelmed by a recipient testimony. Thankfully I had an intercessor with me, so I simply stepped out of the room, closed my eyes and surrendered the painful feelings I was experiencing to the Lord. I'm not actually sure how long I was there but I would guess it was less than 15 minutes. Then I was able to return and finish the session. By the end of the session the young woman was experiencing such a profound connection with God that she sat in the chair in silence for over an hour communing with the Lord.
How good he is to us!
Exercise
I would like for you to take a moment and reflective on what you experience in your body, heart and mind when someone is overwhelming you? Perhaps they're talking too much. Or being too forceful about their opinions. Or they are in a state of emotional intensity. Getting too close to you, in your space.
Make a few notes describing what you feel as best you can today, then come back to this in a week or two after you've had more time to observe your overwhelm cues. You can also ask those love and trust if they have noticed any signs of overwhelm in you.
The beauty of knowing your own overwhelm cues is that you can take action early before you are about to be slammed by a giant wave of overwhelm. By stopping before you get to that point you can recover capacity faster.
Now it's your turn to be the sleuth. See if you can detect the signs of overwhelm in the ones you love.
What did you notice?
I hope this post helps you become more aware, and live in a place of resilience and peace.